Let's face it: Parenthood is a full-time job. Between your work, housework, taking care of the kids, getting them to school then practice, and making sure their homework gets done, it is way too easy to let your love life plummet down your list of priorities. But marriage is the foundation upon which your entire family is structured. If your marriage is strong, your whole family will be strong; your life will be more peaceful; you'll be a better parent, and-not least importantly- you'll have more fun! So, how can you put first things first again? Read on…

Make a commitment
To create or maintain a strong marriage, you will have to take the first critical step: You must be willing to put time, effort and thought into your marriage. When I made this statement during a lecture, one woman spoke up. She had a quiet voice, but she spoke with determination, "Elizabeth, I hear you, and I know what you say is right. But I have three preschoolers! I work part-time, do all my own housework, cooking, and laundry. I just don't have any more energy at the end of the day to "work" on my marriage."

I noticed that several other women in the room were nodding their heads as she spoke and they waited for my response. "I certainly understand! I have four children and my own business, I know how busy life can be. But let me ask you one vital question: How would you like to have three preschoolers, work part-time, do your own housework, cooking and laundry, and do it all as a single mother? Because if you take care of everything else, and neglect your marriage, that's what could happen."
Suddenly every mother who nodded a minute ago was looking at me with wide eyes. The thought that their marriage-which they had let fall to the very bottom of their priority list- could be in jeopardy, hit them very hard. I noticed that I now had the complete attention of several of the fathers who had earlier seemed lost in their own thoughts.

Let's take another look at the commitment statement mentioned earlier. You must be willing to put time, effort and thought into your marriage. The ideas that follow will help you follow through on this commitment and will put new life and meaning into your marriage. A wonderful thing may happen. You may fall in love with your spouse all over again. In addition, your children will greatly benefit from your stronger relationship. Children feel secure when they know that Mom and Dad love each other-particularly in today's world, where 50 percent of marriages end in divorce and half of your children's friends have gone through a divorce or are currently going through one, or maybe it's your kids who have survived a divorce and are now living in a new family arrangement. Your children need daily proof that their family life is stable and predictable. When you make a commitment to your marriage, you are not neglecting your kids. In fact, quite the opposite is true: Kids blossom when their parents’ marriage-and thus their home life-is thriving.

So here's my challenge to you. Read the following suggestions and apply them in your marriage for the next 30 days. Then evaluate your marriage, and I guarantee you'll both be happier.

Look for the good, overlook the bad
You married this person for many good reasons. Your partner has many wonderful qualities. Your first step in adding sizzle to your marriage is to look for the good and overlook the bad.
Make it a habit to ignore the little annoying things - dirty socks on the floor, a day-old coffee cup on the counter, worn out flannel pajamas, an inelegant burp at the dinner table - and choose instead to search for those things that make you smile: the way he rolls on the floor with the baby; the fact that she made your favorite cookies, the peace in knowing someone so well that you can wear your worn out flannels or burp at the table.

Give two compliments every day
Now that you've committed to seeing the good in your partner, it's time to say it! This is a golden key to your mate's heart. Our world is so full of negative input, and we so rarely get compliments from other people. When we do get a compliment, it not only makes us feel great about ourselves, it makes us feel great about the person giving the compliment! Think about it! When your honey says, "You're the best. I'm so glad I married you," it not only makes you feel loved, it makes you feel more loving.
Compliments are easy to give and they're free. Compliments are powerful; you just have to make the effort to say them. Anything works: "Dinner was great, you make my favorite sauce." "Thanks for picking up the cleaning. It was very thoughtful. You saved me a trip." "That sweater looks great on you."

Play nice
That may sound funny to you, but think about it. How many times do you see -- or experience -- partners treating each other in impolite, harsh ways that they'd never even think of acting with a friend? Sometimes we take our partners for granted and unintentionally display rudeness. As the saying goes, if you have a choice between being right and being nice, just choose to be nice. Or to put this in the wise words of Bambi's friend, Thumper, the bunny rabbit, "If you can't say somethin' nice, don't say nothin' at all."

Pick your battles
How often have you heard this advice in relation to parenting? This is great advice for child-rearing. It's also great advice to follow in your marriage. In any human relationship there will be disagreement and conflict. The key to handling it well is to decide which issues are worth pursuing and which are better off ignored. By doing this, you'll find much less negative energy between you. From now on, anytime you feel annoyed, take a minute to examine the issue at hand, and ask yourself a few questions: "How important is this?" "Is this worth picking a fight over?" "What would be the benefit of choosing this battle versus letting it go?"

The 60 second cuddle
You can often identify a newly married couple just by how much they touch each other - holding hands, sitting close, touching arms, kissing - just as you can spot an "oldly-married" couple by how little they touch. Mothers, in particular, often have less need for physical contact with their partners because their babies and young children provide so much opportunity for touch and cuddling that day's end finds them "touched fulfilled". So here's a simple reminder: Make the effort to touch your spouse more often. A pat, a hug, a kiss, a shoulder massage - the good feeling it produces for both of you far outweighs the effort. And whenever you've been apart, make it a rule that you will take just 60 seconds to cuddle, touch and connect. This can be addictive! If you follow this advice soon, you'll find yourselves touching each other more often, and the romantic aspect of your relationship will naturally grow.

Spend more time talking to-and listening to-your partner.
I don't mean, "Remember to pick up Jimmy's soccer uniform." Or "I have a PTA meeting tonight." Rather, get (back) into the habit of sharing your thoughts as a person (rather than just as a parent). Talk about what you read in the paper, what you watch on TV, your hopes, your dreams, your concerns. Take a special interest in the things that your spouse is interested in and ask questions, then listen-really listen-to the answers.

Spend time with your spouse
It can be very difficult for your marriage to thrive if you spend all your time being "Mommy" and "Daddy". You need to spend regular time as "Husband" and "Wife". This doesn't mean you have to take a two-week vacation in Hawaii. (Although that might be nice, too!) Just take small daily snippets of time when you can enjoy uninterrupted conversation, or even just quiet companionship, without a baby on your hip, a child tugging your shirtsleeve or a teenager begging for the car keys. A daily morning walk around the block or a shared cup of tea after all the children are in bed might work wonders to help you re-connect with each other. And yes, it's quite fine to talk about your children when you're spending your time together, because, after all, your children are one of the most important connections you have in your relationship.
When you and your spouse regularly connect in a way that nurtures your relationship, you renew the love between you, and that will allow you to be a better, more loving parent. You owe it to yourself-and to your kids-to nurture your relationship.

So take my challenge! Use these ideas for the next 30 days, and watch your marriage take on a whole new glow.

Parts of this article are excerpted with permission by New Harbinger Publications, Inc. and by McGraw-Hill/Contemporary from these books by Elizabeth Pantley: Kid Cooperation and Hidden Messages.