by Richard T. Golden

I thought I was reasonably prepared for our first child. But as soon as our son was born, I realized just how unprepared I was for the physical and emotional rigors that began when we left the hospital. I had to learn on-the-job, and you probably will too, but these tips just might ease your transition into fatherhood.

Read Ahead
Your wife will be reading books about what to expect. So should you. Most importantly, get a book about what to expect in the first year, and read the chapters covering the first three months. Most people don't tell you how much the sleep deprivation is going to hurt, but hurt it will, especially in the first weeks. You may be so bleary-eyed that you won’t be able to read and comprehend, so you must prepare yourself in advance. Your decisions will be much easier to make if you've already weighed the alternatives when coherent.

Install the Car Seat Far In Advance
This will give you plenty of time to make an appointment for your local professionals (fire, police) to inspect it. Odds are you're going to do it wrong, even with the latest LATCH system in newer vehicles. Guys are good at tightening things, so I have no doubt that your car seat base will be in there nice and snug. The problem is that you're likely to install it at the wrong angle. Many bases have a leveler that can be dialed down to fill the gap, but they usually aren't high enough. The technician who inspected my seat said that the infant's head should be lying back at a 45 degree angle. He cut and stacked a swimming pool noodle to prop mine up but said a rolled-up towel would also work. You can check the angle with a level, but your best bet is to get it inspected by a professional. There is no greater responsibility for an expectant father than to ensure the safety seat is properly installed.

Pack Way Too Much Food
You may be in the labor room for a long, long time. As coach, you need to keep up your energy level. Pack a bag containing way more food than you can eat, and then add more. Your wife won't be able to eat in the delivery room, so always ask permission before eating in front of her. Since there’s no telling what will be off-putting to her, your best bet is to step into the hall for your sustenance. Foods high in fat will help you feel full. And take a bottle of water.

Encourage Breastfeeding
This is perhaps the best thing an expectant father can do for himself and his child, but especially for himself. Any book will tell you the benefits to the child and to the mother–and they are many– but we're talking about you here. The key benefit to breastfeeding is that you can't do it. If you're feeding your child formula, you have the ability to get up in the middle of the night and perform the entire feeding routine without your wife even getting out of bed. Now, that's not to say that breastfeeding will excuse you from getting out of bed, but it can minimize the amount of time you're awake.

The nighttime feeding routine is simple: Get up, change baby, feed baby, burp baby (more on this later), put baby down to sleep. But things can–and will–go wrong at every step. Front-load your effort by getting up and changing the baby, then passing the baby to your wife for clean-up. Since babies are often soothed by breastfeeding, your wife is the logical choice for the put-down, although you might need to help with the burp. Plan on being up for the entire process at first, but once your wife is comfortable, you might get more sleep.

Do not assume that breastfeeding will go smoothly from the start. It's a natural process, but that doesn't make it innate. Sometimes it doesn't come easily, and everybody becomes frustrated and impatient. Here's what you can do to help: Encourage your wife to contact a professional lactation consultant. They really know their stuff. Many hospitals have them on staff, or your wife can get a reference from her doctor or a women's group. Tell them your due date and plan a visit, maybe even pre-birth. It may seem silly now, but your wife needs to feel confident with breastfeeding to ensure success. And breastfeeding success means no bottle-feeding chores. If you're concerned about the cost of a lactation consultant, consider that a hundred bucks spent on a lactation consultant will save you that in the cost of a few weeks of formula, not to mention the cost of your sleep, which will be worth gold in the first several weeks of parenthood.

Get the Burp
I cannot stress this enough. If you don't get the burp out of the baby, even if she goes down to sleep, it won't be for long. If the air in your baby's system gets ahead of the food and doesn't burp out, the baby is going to experience gassy discomfort for the next few hours, and you'll be holding that baby, trying to soothe her the entire time. You and your wife will wonder what's wrong, but you'll know you let one slip past the goalie and are paying the price. Don't be timid about going after that burp with a firm pat. Move the baby to different shoulders or even try the seated position while you support her chin. Getting the burp is your key to some peace.

If you miss the burp, for whatever reason (it happens), and your baby is in great discomfort, try Baby Mylicon drops. We asked our doctor and our pharmacist (which was a first for us), and they both said it was fine to use. Ask them; they'll tell you the same thing. Expect to hold your baby for several minutes after giving it to her. It's good to know you have the gas relief drops, but next time get the burp. Your burp timing will get better with experience.

It's Easier to Clean Your Clothes than the Carpet
You will get wet on this ride. Sooner or later, your child will spit up on you, and your best course of action is to contain it on your clothes and move quickly to an area with a tiled floor. Once there, you can let it all drip wherever and get some help. You can throw your clothes in the washing machine, but you can't do that with carpeting. Your clothes will easily come clean of breast milk (yet another reason for breastfeeding), but you might want to scrub the formula stain a little. Remember: Containment is key.

Know the Rules
Rule #1: Babies cry. It's a fact. You can minimize it, but you can't stop it. The key to quieting a crying baby is to understand why she is crying. Lucky for you, the list is surprisingly short: 1-hungry, 2-dirty diaper, 3-gas, 4-tired, 5-genuinely sick, 6-just because. They're all very straightforward, except for the last one, which can be maddening. For some reason, "just because" crying is worse in the evening, right around the time you're getting home from work. It's not you, so don't take it personally. On second thought, part of it could be you (which I guess is a new item on the list), but it's not your fault. Your baby will become quite comfortable with your wife during the day, and then along you come and hold your baby in a different way (yes, they know the difference), and the kid’s not crazy about it. She might cry to get back to her comfort zone, and this is where you need to make a decision. You can pawn the baby off on your wife and stop the crying immediately, or you can bond with your baby and let it last a few more minutes. Look at a clock. You will be amazed at how long five minutes can seem while holding a crying baby. Of course, if your baby is colicky, that’s a whole other story. [Editor’s Note: Go to www.sacramentoparent.com/past_issues.htm and check out April’s Coming Soon column, “Colic Cure,” for the latest breakthrough.]

Vary Your Holds
Train your baby early to be comfortable being held in several different positions. As I mentioned before, once your baby prefers a particular hold, she may demand it. You might be tempted to take a lesson from your wife and hold the baby exactly the way that she does. Avoid this. If you both hold the child in exactly the same way, then, over time, you may notice that your baby's head can alter its shape as it grows into the mold of your cradled arm. Really. You will be appalled that you can literally warp your child. The warping will not hurt your baby, but it's still worth avoiding. Realize that the baby is training you.

Take Your Baby's Temperature
It should be obvious if your baby is sick, and one obvious symptom is fever, but you can't trust a thermometer (especially underarm thermometers) unless you have a baseline temperature from when the baby is healthy. Take some baseline temperatures a few times in one day and write them down. Your doctor will thank you.

Wait For It
You will notice that your baby does little more than eat, sleep, poop and cry for the first few weeks. Infants are heavy on the "taking" side of the relationship at the outset. It's lucky for them that they are the most amazing things you've ever seen. Don't expect your baby to immediately start interacting with you. Be patient. It will start in a few weeks. And when it does, you will realize just how fantastic the wild ride called Fatherhood can be. Enjoy the ride.

Writer Richard Golden is a father of two and a product development manager. He first offered this advice to a buddy at a football game. The advice was much better than the Redskins were that day.