A Trip of One’s Own

By Kathy Sena



Judith Diamond and her husband, Mark, make it a priority to get away from home and parenting duties at least once a year. “Not too long ago, we went to Las Vegas for a few days and it was great just getting back to the two of us,” says the mother of two. But when asked whether she ever takes a little time off for herself—without kids or hubby—she just laughs.

“I already feel guilty being away from the kids while I’m working,” says Diamond, who has a home-based business. “But I know I should take the time,” she adds. “I talk about how important it is for Mark and me to get away to reconnect. But what about reconnecting with myself?”

Finding a Balance
Diamond sums up the dilemma pretty well for all those women who can’t imagine making the time to finish a novel, much less head to the beach for a solo weekend. But just because this state of affairs is normal doesn’t mean it’s healthy. “From the time a woman learns she’s pregnant, she enters a phase of life in which it’s entirely appropriate to be preoccupied with her child,” explains Barbara Fine, Ph.D., MFT, clinical psychologist and family therapist in Manhattan Beach, California. “But it’s also important for her to hold onto her own voice and to nurture her own interests,” she adds. For women, taking a break from the everyday routine “renews our own vitality,” says Fine. “It’s going out to play. It’s revitalizing our own spirit.”
And sometimes it’s even achieving a bit of hormonal balance, laughs Ann Aist, a mother of four young boys who “lives in a testosterone-filled house with five men!” Aist cherishes her yearly “Women’s Weekend” with a group of 12 close friends, now spread all over the country, whom she met back in her post-college, pre-marriage days in Phoenix. The experience “brings back part of your youth,” says her friend Lisa Woltkamp, a mother of three who’s eagerly awaiting Women’s Weekend #5. “It makes you feel more alive.”
The group meets at a different woman’s home each year. Once, when Aist arrived, “two massage therapists were waiting for us,” she says. Other times the women indulge in pedicures. But the best part, says Aist, is the girl talk. “It just feels very familiar. Unlike moms’ night out, it doesn’t end at the end of the evening. You get a really good dose of it.”
And “dose” may be just the word to describe the tonic-like effect of such a getaway, says Tina B. Tessina, Ph.D., MFT, marriage-and-family therapist and author of The Ten Smartest Decisions A Woman Can Make Before Forty. A woman is hard-wired, explains Tessina, so that when she’s around her children, she’s focused on them and their world. And that’s good. “But everyone needs a break now and then,” she adds. “There’s nothing like missing your husband and children to put a new sparkle on things.”

Going Solo
While schmoozing with old friends is fun, sometimes getting off by ourselves—or even trying something completely new with a group of strangers—can be just what we need. When I once headed to rural Lanesboro, Minnesota to attend a Zephyr in-line skating camp for women, I didn’t know a soul in the entire state. But as I boarded the plane, my new cherry-red skating helmet dangling from my carry-on bag, I felt a giddiness I’d been missing lately, a sense that anything could happen, a feeling of being out on my own in the world and strangely unencumbered.
It took a while to get used to the freedom. Our group of 18, from all over the U.S. and Canada, talked of kids, mates and jobs the first night at dinner. But soon an energizing realization set in: Want to float down the nearby Root River on an inner tube? No problem. Feel like taking a snooze instead of going to lunch? Go for it. Want to challenge yourself with a six-mile skate on the Root River Trail? Even that was possible—including indulging in a much-anticipated slice of chocolate-brownie pie afterward.
That night, I was surprised to realize that, while I couldn’t wait to share my adventures with my family, I had focused just on myself for an entire day. When was the last time that had been possible? No cupcakes to bake for school. No pre-dinner sprints to the grocery store. No toys to pick up. Just me and a bunch of other tired, sweaty, happy women sucking down iced tea and marveling at our newfound ability to propel ourselves six long miles on eight tiny wheels.

Kids Benefit, Too
Shaking up the routine can energize Dad and the kids, too. When I called home the first night of my trip, my husband and then-4-year-old son answered the phone, giggling, from a tent in the back yard, a “guys’ week” surprise for Matthew. Father and son also managed to squeeze in a major-league baseball game and a trip to the horse races while I was gone. They, too, had new adventures to share during our nightly chats.
And new perspectives. As I demonstrated my spin turns in the driveway a week later, Matthew blurted out, “I didn’t know you could learn something new, Mom!” That realization alone—that Mom has talents beyond making sandwiches, folding underwear, or paying bills—makes a solo adventure worthwhile.
So go for it. Call your sister or a girlfriend. Make that reservation. Check out that sale on in-line skates… or kayaks, or ballet shoes. True, the housework won’t go away while you’re gone. But you might return home to find kids who’ve become just a bit more independent, a husband who appreciates all those little things you do, and a woman you once knew, but haven’t been in touch with in a good long while. I think you’ll like her a lot.

Kathy Sena is a freelance writer, adventurer and mother of a 12-year-old son. Visit her blog at www.parenttalktoday.com.