I recently received an e-mail from a reporter friend of mine. She was writing a story on a woman with three autistic children and, knowing that my older son is autistic, she wanted some perspective on the time it took to care for and educate one autistic child.

My first thought was that it depends on the degree and type of autism. My son, age 10, has impaired speech, language, and social skills. However, he attends a regular school and is in a regular 4th grade class. (We held him back one year.) He’s happy, well-behaved, and dreams of playing professional baseball. He is sometimes irresponsible, but he’s only 10. In a few years, he should be able to baby-sit his younger brother. Among kids with autism, my son is considered high-functioning; he requires little time.

I later realized that time required was only part of the answer. When our son was first diagnosed, he was three. My wife and I had several options, each needing a large time commitment. We decided we wanted him to be mainstreamed, to be able to go to college, to get a job, and still make us grandparents someday. To that end, we worked with him constantly. Initially, this meant weekly trips to specialists, some not covered by insurance, and constant work at home to get him talking. As he grew older, the specialists changed and our primary focus became his schoolwork and ensuring that he kept pace with his classmates.

Homework is challenging. Some kids can study the night before the test and ace it; others can pass without studying. We spend 1-1/2 weeks, 2-3 hours per day, helping him study for tests; additional courses require additional time. When he comes home from school, he starts his homework. We review it with him to confirm he understands it. This is a taxing process. (Fighting with the school for services he needs is another taxing process, but that is another essay.)

Our son lags behind his peers in reading, so we read with him every day. His favorite books are the Magic Tree House series. A sign at the bookstore says that these books are for ages 5-8. Two years ago, when our son was eight, he couldn’t read them; he manages now. He is interested in the Hank Zipzer series (ages 7-12, per the sign), but these books are difficult for him. That reading level is our next goal.

As I later told my reporter friend, this is my perspective. My wife and I could have chosen to put him in a special class, to be promoted with kids his age and receive a Special Ed diploma at the end of high school. We chose to put our energy into encouraging him to learn as much as he is capable. The time commitment is not only a function of the autism, but also of the choices parents make for their children.

However, my wife and I were lucky: we had a choice. Not all kids are as high-functioning as our son, and not all parents have hours every day to spend on homework and skills-building. Every family has to answer that question of time with what is best for their children as individuals.

Walt Mussell and his wife, Mo, have two kids: Andrew and Christopher. Walt is happy to report that the Hank Zipzer level has been achieved. Check out Walt’s blog, “Daddy Needs Decaf.”