Road Rules- Carpool Etiquette

As gas prices climb sky-high, faster than you can say “rising tuition rates,” smart parents are reconsidering the value of a good carpool arrangement. Maybe you want to start a carpool, so you can funnel that gas money into your children's college funds. Maybe you just want to squeeze in time for a cup of coffee in the morning or get a head start on your drive to work. Or maybe your current carpool situation could use a tune-up: Do you sit there fuming, morning after morning, waiting for the other carpool driver to screech into your driveway? Or are you the mom who makes everyone late? Did you know that other parents would really prefer your child not finish his jelly doughnuts in their cars? Did you know setting some simple ground rules early on can help you detour trouble down the road? Read on for more tips on how to cruise smoothly through life in the diamond lane.

Getting Going
Your first mile marker is finding families to carpool with. Veteran carpoolers suggest talking to people at your child's school and at your child's activities to find a list of families who might be interested. Keep your eyes peeled at sports, dance and other after-school activities for parents you recognize from the neighborhood. School officials may also be able to put the word out in the school's newsletter or at parents' meetings.

Once you find carpool partners, it's time for a rest stop. Arrange to meet for lunch or coffee—ok, so if you don't have time for that, just make a conference call to iron out details, suggests psychologist Dorothy Singer. Singer spent many hours carpooling with her own three sons and now carpools the next generation. Remember, the more you discuss in advance, the less chance your carpool arrangement will wreck once you get going.

Some carpoolers suggest creating a written time schedule in advance for everyone to follow. The greater the number of people carpooling, the more important it is for everything to be in writing. That said, Singer cautions that putting things in writing might put some people off. Whether you write or remember, there are some things to consider before hitting the road.

Safety First
Buckle up. Using seat belts is not negotiable—it’s the law. And tickets and fines aside, everyone should agree that keeping kids safe is the most important part of carpooling.

Carpool driver Nancy Stokes had to give her sons that last reminder for when they were riding in other cars. "One family wasn't as consistent about seat belt use as we would have liked," she says. "We had to tell the kids, ‘Make sure you buckle up… I don't care what the other kids are doing.'"

Safety Tips
* There should be enough seat belts for each person and room for each child's
safety seat. Never put two children in one belt.
* Instruct your children to insist on wearing safety belts any time they ride
in a car with or without you.
* The back seat is safest. Children under 13 should not ride in the front
seat if there is a passenger side air bag.
* Children who have outgrown safety seats with a harness should ride in a
booster seat until the seat belt fits well.
* Anyone driving in a carpool should have a list of emergency contact numbers
for all the children in the car."
* Each driver should have adequate insurance and a well-maintained vehicle.
* Never leave children unattended in a vehicle.
* Keep sharp or heavy objects in the trunk.
* Determine if cell phone use is permissible. (Probably not)
* Do not allow hard candy or lollipops.
* Ask children to put both hands on their noses before you shut doors. This is an easy (even fun) way to ensure that little fingers are clear of the doorframes.
* Continue the game by having children check their seat belts and door locks
before starting out.

Timing is Everything
One mom was in a carpool where the drivers agreed to call each other, let the phone ring once then hang up before leaving the house. The hope was to see children standing in the driveway, ready to go with book bags, and coats on, when the carpool pulled up. It never happened. Both families ended up on probation at their school for habitual tardiness. The moral of the story? Be on time.

Morning lateness wasn't a problem for Stokes' carpool. The problem came at the other end of the day. Carpool participants should discuss whether any errands, excluding gas stops, are allowed on the way home. "There were times when we had plans and we had to wait for the kids to get home," says Stokes. "When you're expecting them at 3:45 and they don't get home until 4:30, you get kind of antsy."

Be Merry (Just Skip the Eating & Drinking Part)
Keep the car clean. Some people think of their car as a rolling living room, kitchen or trash can while others pick up every stray hair and piece of lint to dispose of immediately. Drivers and passengers need to decide if eating and drinking are allowed.

"Most people would not allow food and drinks," Stokes says. "Especially
drinks, they get messy."

Other No-No’s: Besides being late, big carpool violations include agreeing to participate in a carpool and then backing out the day before school starts. Another is not being home to receive your children in the afternoon.

Rules for the Ride… Decide…
Finally, here are some questions to help you smooth out the rest of the details before Back-to-School:

• Who will drive and when?
• How often will you carpool - every day, once a week?
• What's the procedure if the driver can't drive?
• Who has food allergies and to what foods?
• What kind of discipline is everyone comfortable with?
• What kind of music will be allowed (if any), and who gets to determine the radio station, tape or CD?
• How long will the carpool wait if someone is late?

Spend a little time and effort now preparing, and when those first days of school arrive, you’ll be good to go!