Day at the Park (A Day in the Life)

By Jeni Boltshauser

11:37am: Arrive at the park. Yippee – not that many kids!

11:38am: Realize I forgot to set arrangements to avoid “disagreements” on when it’s time to go.

11:39am: Talk to Buttercup and let him know: “When it’s time to go, it’s time to go.” No tears, no tantrums.

11:39am: Buttercup says to you, “No crying, No problem!”

11:40am: Did he just quote a debt consolidation commercial? Bad credit, no problem!

11:45am: Oh, look… Here comes a mom and son.

11:56am: Uh, oh! Mom is smiling at you and giving you that look that says, “I stay at home and need conversation so I am going to chat with you despite the fact you have no idea who I am and could care less that little Tommy has allergies to milk and wheat, is already potty trained, speaks eight languages, including translating Farsi for the U.N., and can count to 500…” To which you will reply, “Oh, that’s great. You see the little boy over there running in circles until he falls down cross-eyed? That’s our gem. We are pretty sure he is going to like drugs.”

11:57am: Avoid eye contact. Decide to go pick up Jim Morrison who is watching the world spin from the ground.

11:58am: Go down the slide that always seems too fast and creates an amazing amount of static electricity.

12:12pm: Try not to think about all the germs being smeared about.

12:25pm: Look at the sandbox and think, once again, What if a cat came in here? HOW would you know it’s not a present left by the kitty?!

12:35pm: Sit on the swing for a minute after Doodle scampered off, and realize it makes you carsick to go higher than six inches.

12:40pm: Start the warnings that it’s time to go, silently praying, please let this go well. This plea is especially important because you might be getting graded by Tommy’s mom, inventor of the effortless change of state.

12:42pm: Administering tons of kisses because when told to leave, his majesty simply stated again, “No crying, no problem!”

12:44pm: Freak out when he puts his thumb in his mouth and scream, “Wait until we use the antibacterial foam!”

12:45pm: Take the long way home… because even though he’s 3 now, he still might fall asleep in the car.

Jeni Boltshauser is one of our regular bloggers. You can find more of her adventures in parenting—both hilarious and heartbreaking—right here .