Special Holiday Help

By Dr. Scott Barkin, Block Institute
Edited by Amy Crelly

Picture this: You’re visiting at your sister’s, the kids are watching A Christmas Story in the next room, the tree is twinkling, the turkey is cooking, relatives are talking and laughing, when suddenly your son appears and—uh-oh! here comes a meltdown. Maybe it’s all the noise, or Aunt Alice’s generous candy supply, or not being able to watch what he wants… Whatever the cause, now your little boy wailing, his face streaked with hot tears, hands flapping, and he’s desperate for a quiet escape.

As wonderful as it is to have a break from routine and reconnect with family and friends, the holidays can be stressful, especially for parents with special needs children. Like a wrench thrown in your smooth-running works, the holidays force us to answer questions we’re just not used to asking: How will my child sit through a long family gathering? Will my child be accepted? Where can we find a quiet area if we need one? How do I deal with crowds or travel? Who can I turn to for childcare help?

Take some time to reflect on past experiences (what’s worked, what hasn’t and why). Then consider these tips to help you plan ahead and stress less this holiday season:

Maintain what works.
Consider which parts of your child’s routine matter most (comforting objects, favorite tasks, clothes, etc.), and do your best to incorporate them. If your child has limited food preferences, for example, cater to them.

Keep your goals realistic. 
It may sound trite, but it’s true: Quality time is more valuable than quantity. Set a reasonable limit on the length of visits.

Give yourself an out. 
Determine where quieter areas can be found early on. If you are hosting, preserve a quiet area to escape to.

Schedule some support.
Predetermine a supervision schedule that offers extra help for the holidays. If you don’t have a spouse who can pitch in, is there a friend, relative, therapist or respite worker who can help?

Take time to reflect.
Following the holidays, make notes about what went well, what didn’t go so well, and why. This will help organize your thoughts and hopefully make your next holiday even better.

Think outside the (gift) box.
You don’t have to be anchored to old traditions. Consider creating new traditions your family can enjoy for years to come. The key is for everyone to stay focused on the most important part of the season: being with the people you love.