Is Foster Parenting For You?

By Shelly Bokman

I hear the radio commercials and see the sweet faces of children in advertisements, and a little voice inside says, “You could do that… You could be a foster parent.” Has that little voice ever talked to you?

We all know that, sadly, the need is great. There are young and vulnerable infants who need “forever families,” older teens in need of love and understanding, and every age in-between.

I always wanted a lot of children. I used to tell my dad I was going to have a dozen kids! In reality I had three, and now that they are older and beginning to follow their own paths in life, I find I that I am not really ready to be done with parenting.

I have friends who are rejoicing as they look forward to getting more time to themselves and some relief from the daily responsibilities, but for some crazy reason, I don’t feel that way. So, I’ve decided to explore the possibility of being a foster parent, and I’d like to take you along with me—just in case that little voice is after you too.

There are many agencies in our area that work with foster children. The State regulates the requirements through the Community Care Licensing Department, so that all homes meet certain criteria and are certified. Individual agencies may have additional requirements, but they are all fairly similar. Here are the basics:

• Both couples and single adults are welcome.

• You must be financially self-sufficient. This doesn’t mean you have to be affluent, but you must be able to meet your family’s needs. You may work outside your home as long as you have acceptable childcare arrangements for young children. 

• Twenty-four-hour adult supervision for the foster child is a must. This means that you can’t rely on your 15 or 16-year-old to supervise the child, even for a quick trip to the grocery store, but if you have a child over age 18, he or she can be approved to watch a foster child.

• There is paperwork. You must complete a series of forms. All adults (including teens over 18) in your home must be fingerprinted and obtain a criminal record clearance and a child abuse index clearance. You must have a TB test, showing negative results, and obtain a general health clearance. A current DMV printout showing proof of a valid driver's license is required, as well as proof of auto insurance. Character references are also required. Some agencies may also ask for copies of marriage (and/or divorce) certificates or birth certificates.

• There is an orientation training program. Most agencies require CPR & First Aid training (infant, child & adult CPR). During this initial training you will get to explore parenting skills and examine issues that may arise in parenting special needs children. 

• You will go through a “Home Study” process. This involves common sense precautions and safety requirements such as locking medications and cleaning supplies. You do not need to have a separate bedroom for each foster child. Kids can share a room, but there is a limit of two children per bedroom. Children over five years old must share with a same-sex child. A child under two is considered an infant and may actually share your bedroom.

• A specialist will work with you to help you meet the certification requirements. Ideally this person will help you determine what type of child (or children) you can best parent, and will work to place that type of child in your home. You can specify a particular age that you would prefer, but the more specific your requests are, the harder it is to place children with you. If you are willing to take more than one child, this is a big plus, since agencies try to keep siblings together.

• You will receive tax-free financial reimbursement. This amount, which varies depending on the age of the child, seemed realistic to me for actually covering food, clothes and other child-support expenses.

• You will receive ongoing training, counseling and support. Twelve hours of ongoing training are required each year to maintain your certification, even after a child is placed with you.

• The entire certification process takes approximately ninety days.

Aside from the logistical requirements of becoming a foster parent, the process involves plenty of soul-searching and careful reflection. Here are some questions you may want to ask yourself: 

Will you be able to love and care for a child and then let him go? Foster care placements are temporary, and the goal for many children is to reunite them with their birth families. The average length of a stay is three months, but it could also turn out to be a very short stay (maybe only a few days). Teens tend to stay with a family for longer periods. Watching children go can be the hardest part of foster parenting. 

Will your own children be able to share you? Will a foster child be too disruptive to your family? Will you be able to meet the needs of your children as well as those of a foster child, so nobody feels left out or shortchanged? 

To help you answer these questions and others, you can call and talk with someone in the know or attend an information meeting at a local agency. There are children out there who need a safe, loving home, and you could be just the person to offer them that priceless gift. Now may be the perfect time to start listening to that little voice within.

Shelly Bokman is the Editor-in-Chief of Sacramento Parent Magazine. She has three grown children who are eagerly supporting her venture into foster parenting with Koinonia Family Services.