No More Bedtime Battles

By Steve DeBenedetti-Emanuel, MFT
Member of the California Association of Marriage and Family Therapists (CAMFT)

Q: Help—I’m sleep deprived! My toddler won’t sleep through the night. I have to sleep in his room with him to get him to fall asleep. How do I help him sleep by himself?

As a therapist and a parent, I know what you’re going through. Try developing a bedtime routine that helps your toddler wind down before bed. For younger toddlers, these rituals can include a bath, stories and goodnight kisses. Older toddlers’ routines will change, and they may challenge boundaries, but try to stick with their routine once it is set.

Rory and her husband started by thoroughly explaining their bedtime expectations to their three-year-old son, then they followed the same routine every night. Gradually, things began to run much more smoothly. As he has gotten older, they have given him more choices about which books to read or what pajamas to wear—this has allowed him some sense of control while still adhering to the routine.

Lorri, who has two toddlers, was unprepared when her adopted 14-month-old girl came home. Initially, Lorri says, “she slept on my chest, and any time I would try to scoot her off so I could sleep, she would scream.” After a challenging first week, Lorri started to play soothing music at bedtime and gave her daughter a stuffed animal that played a heartbeat and ocean sounds. She added verbal encouragement, telling her she needed to sleep in her crib. Her daughter cried, but Lorri sat next to her crib and soothed her until she fell asleep. She now sleeps through the night by herself.

Despite all our efforts, there will still be nights when our children are unable to sleep alone, but don’t give up! Continue sticking to your bedtime routine, and you will eventually see positive results… and get a good night’s rest.

Steve DeBenedetti-Emanuel specializes in counseling pre-teens, teens and their parents. He can be reached at  This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it . To locate a therapist near you, visit www.TherapistFinder.com.