It’s All About the Kids

How can parents stay out of the principal’s office? And what can teachers do to earn straight A’s from parents? For the good, the bad (and the ugly) truth of parent-teacher relations, read on…

How parents can help teachers…

By Kim Bump

As a parent and a teacher, Back to School is an extra-exciting and hopeful time of year for me. I am hopeful about connecting with my students. I am excited to discover each child’s personality, to meet their parents, to share new ideas, do new projects, design new lessons – all of it! And then there’s a little voice in the back of my mind that reminds me how each school year is like childbirth: you seem to forget the not-so-fun parts, including endless amounts of paperwork, difficult students, difficult administration policies, and, yes, challenging parents.

A friend asked me recently what she could do as a parent to make life easier for her children’s teachers. Here is my list of just three simple things I wish more parents would do:

Show your kids how much they matter. When children know their parents love them—A LOT! and unconditionally—it gives them confidence and allows them to believe in themselves. How many of us had someone who believed we could rope the moon? Only good things come from that kind of encouragement.

Make sure they’re ready. As a single mom, I know school day mornings are often crazy. But I also know that if my daughter doesn’t get anything into her stomach, she gets cranky and has difficulty focusing. You’ve got to feed the body before you can feed the mind. Sleep is essential too. We all know how tough it is to concentrate when you’re tired. At least a week before school starts, get your children back on a sleep schedule that’s in sync with their school’s start time. Trust me, the transition will be easier on everyone.

Be involved in your child’s school. This accomplishes two things at once. First, it shows kids that you respect how they spend their days (i.e. learning at school) and who they spend them with (i.e. their teachers). Second, it is concrete evidence, even if the child doesn’t consciously know it, that education is important.

I cannot express how disappointed I was at my last Back to School Night. I had approximately 140 students. A colleague told me that I would be lucky to see twenty-five parents, but I hoped he would be wrong. He was. Only fifteen parents showed. Fifteen! I get that we have busy lives and things come up, but a showing of just over ten percent? I know we can do better! And I’m hopeful that this year we will.

Kim Bump is a Sacramento mom and middle school teacher. She expects great things this school year.

…and teachers can help parents.

By Janis Wuelfing

I really believe that you can tell how the school year will go based on how the teacher communicates on Back to School Night. Good, clear communication makes for a good situation; bad communication usually means a year full of frustrations. I remember one great Back to School Night. One of my children’s teachers was so confident, clear and enthusiastic! She was also very organized, with parent participation sign-up sheets at the ready. She told us exactly what to expect for the year and stayed true to her word. We e-mailed back and forth whenever we needed something (e-mail, she made clear, was the best way to get in touch with her), and there was never any question as to what was happening in the classroom. It was one of the best school years ever.

Here are a few more things teachers can do to make life easier for everyone:

Be consistent. I understand that teachers sometimes have to change their rules. Just communicate those changes to parents, so everyone stays on the same page. (How was I supposed to know that my child should be completing her homework in cursive when her teacher did not notify parents?) Kids also get confused when the teacher is saying one thing and their parents are saying another.

Don’t give me homework. Being in school means learning responsibility, so I’m not against homework. I try to make sure my kids are on top of theirs, and I give them appropriate help when they need it. But when I hear teachers say things like, “This year you will have to…” instead of “the children will have to…” I get instantly defensive. If a project is too hard for the child to do independently, it probably shouldn’t be assigned.

Be nice. I think the worst thing a teacher can do is to try to intimidate parents. One of my children once had a teacher who even scared me. She was difficult to approach and almost impossible to talk to (her way was the only way – end of discussion). It was a terrible year, for me, my child, and many of the other parents and kids in her classroom.

When I know a teacher cares about his students and is not about to leave parents out of the picture, then it’s so much easier to work together. That kind of partnership helps kids have a great school year.

Janis Wuelfing lives in Rocklin with her husband and seven children (her kids range in age from 6 weeks to 12 years old). She has attended A LOT of Back to School Nights!

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