Babyproof Your Relationship

By Jennifer Rizzuti, CGE, CCE

The anticipation of a new bundle of joy is very exciting. Planning the nursery, attending baby showers, and feeling your child’s movements inside your belly are all-consuming. Then, after the baby arrives, we put so much love and energy into caring for our precious gift that our relationship with our significant other sometimes gets forgotten or overlooked.

There are three common mistakes new parents make in their relationship. First, many new parents assume that the transition to parenthood will be easy. This means they are surprised by the challenges they experience, and they assume that something must be “wrong” with their relationship. Second, many couples stop communicating very well or even communicating at all. This leads to less emotional connection and less intimacy. Third, couples ignore the emotional and physical changes that parenting brings. These can include increased stresses and strains, altered values and goals, shifts in roles, or difficult physical changes such as fatigue, lowered sexual desire and perhaps even some depression.

So what can new parents do to maintain their relationship after baby arrives? According to research done by Dr. John Gottman at the Relationship Research Institute, there are two primary things: 1) strengthen their friendship and 2) work on the way they handle conflict in the relationship.

Strengthening your friendship means recognizing or remembering the reasons you wanted to be together. It means reconnecting with one another and honoring the history that you have created by making a life together. It means knowing one another, having mutual respect, sharing affection, and expressing empathy.

The second task involves working on the way you handle conflict. Couples are still going to fight about the same issues, but the important part is how you handle conflict. After you have a baby, you can expect some major changes in the ways you and your partner see yourselves and your relationship. Having a blueprint for handling conflict constructively will help to make this transition a positive one.

It is really the small things that we do every day for one another to show our appreciation and affection that build a satisfying and lasting relationship.

You can find more information on ways to preserve intimacy and rekindle romance after baby in Dr. John & Dr. Julie Gottman’s book, And Baby Makes Three. In it, they present their Bringing Baby Home Program, with a detailed six-step plan for babyproofing your relationship.

Jennifer Rizzuti is a Certified Gottman Educator and Certified Childbirth Educator serving local families since 1998. She conducts Bringing Baby Home Workshops to give couples tools for a happier transition into parenthood.