The R-word

Most parents have a list of “bad” words their children are forbidden to say. That list usually includes the “F-word,” among others. I’d like to add another word to that list. It’s the “R-word,” as in “retard” (and any form of it).

Hearing someone with an intellectual disability (the globally accepted term), being called “retarded” is like hearing an African American called the “N-word.” That wouldn’t be acceptable in today’s society by anyone, of any age, in any setting; nor should it be. And neither should the R-word. It’s degrading, demeaning and rude, and, for those who use it out of context, it’s simply proof of ignorance.

For parents who have children with intellectual disabilities, few things are as hurtful as hearing someone use the word “retarded.” I understand that part of kids’ going to school and growing up involves learning the latest slang (including “bad” words). I also understand that the term “retard” may pass out of fashion as quickly as the latest toy fad or boy band. But I still urge parents to talk to their kids about what this word means, why it can be hurtful, and why it belongs on that list of unacceptable words.

You can point out to your kids that someone with an intellectual disability just has a weakness (learning), and remind them that we all have at least one weakness. You might also make it clear that if you hear them using the “R-word,” they’ll face the same consequences they would for using any of the other words on your forbidden list. It’s just one more way we can teach our kids to be respectful, of themselves as well as others.

Jon Buzby has two boys (16 years and 18 months old) and another boy on the way. His column, A Dad’s-Eye View, appears in newspapers, magazines and online. E-mail him at This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it .