Send Him Back!

Q: I’m almost eight months pregnant and I have a three-year-old son. I worry he might get jealous after the baby is born. How can I help him adjust?

A: Congratulations! I’m sure you’re excited. Your preschooler may be equally excited right now, but then reality hits. He realizes you can’t “send the new baby back,” and that he’ll have to share his mom and dad. Don’t panic – plan ahead! These tips will ease the transition:

• Take time to answer your child’s questions as they come up.

• Include him in discussions and preparations. What will you name the baby? How will you decorate the nursery? What do you need to buy for the baby?

• Spend some time around other infants, visiting friends, relatives, or the infant room at your child care center. Look at your child’s own baby pictures.

• Include your child in some prenatal visits. Hearing the fetal heartbeat makes the experience more “real,” even for a child. Let your child feel the baby’s movements.

• Enroll your child in a sibling preparation class, or read to him from books like “I’m a Big Brother” by Joanna Cole.

• Visit the hospital or birthing center before your due date, so your child can see where Mom will be when the baby is born. Your child can also help pack your suitcase and pick out an outfit for the baby to wear home.

• A new baby doll that arrives precisely when the baby does can work wonders. (My son dragged his Cabbage Patch doll, Murray Grant, everywhere when his little brother was born.) Get a bottle, clothes, and a doll bed – you can make one from a cardboard box.

Engaging in all these new tasks and sharing time with you will calm your child’s fears of being “replaced” and help him feel good about his new role as big brother.