When Kids Want to Quit

Edited by Amy Crelly

“What are we supposed to do? He is hiding behind the couch,” I told my daughter over the phone. My husband and I were tending her children while she and our son-in-law were on a trip. Now it was time for eight-year-old Carter to practice the piano, and nothing would coax him from his hiding place. Why don’t they just let him quit? I thought. Spare him, and his parents, the agony.

Six-year-old Amy Rhodes did a better job of getting out of her piano lessons. One day, after her mother dropped her off for a lesson, Amy announced to her teacher, “My mom said I could quit.” She spent the time playing with the teacher’s little boy, a friend from kindergarten. She kept this up for a full month and was only found out when the time came for her mother to pay. “What’s this for?” the teacher asked.

Amy’s parents let her quit, but today Amy Rhodes Patterson of Lincoln-a grown mom of three-says, “I wish my mother wouldn’t have let me quit. Piano is a gorgeous talent. It’s a skill I wish I had.”

Whether it is music or karate or dance, we expect electives and extracurricular activities to be fun. And unlike school, they’re optional. So when lessons get tough, kids are quick to call it quits, posing a universal dilemma for their parents: do you make your kid stick with it, or let the little quitter try something new, something that might be a better, happier fit?

WHAT TO DO
It’s a tough call to make. We want kids to learn that they can get better with practice, but we also want them to feel free to walk away from a miserable experience. Cost is yet another issue for many families. When kids quit, parents often feel cheated out of the return on their investment. Here are some ways to make the dilemma less difficult:

• Let kids know what they’re getting into. When kids ask to take guitar or enroll in gymnastics, sit them down and discuss how much time it will require, how much money, and what other activities they might miss out on. This is especially helpful if your family has a “finish what you start” rule, as it helps kids realize they’re making a commitment.

• Discuss why your child wants to quit. If your child is getting hurt or bullied, or it’s just a disastrous fit (imagine a tone-deaf grade-schooler taking voice lessons), then dropping the activity is probably a smart move. If your child is feeling exhausted or overscheduled, that’s worth discussing too. But if he’s just a little bored, has hit a plateau, or can’t stand being bad at something, then a different kind of heart-to-heart is in order.

• Remind them that results require work. Local guitar instructor, Scott Namany, finds his aspiring rock stars stalling, he asks them, "How many hours did you practice this week?" then follows that up with, "And how many hours did you spend watching television?" The contrast usually speaks for itself. In order to get good at something, and get more satisfaction from it, kids simply have to log the hours practicing and learning. If your child already has honed her skills at something (drawing, dance, soccer-anything), remind her how she got from beginner (and probably not very good) to so much better. If your child is younger, try sharing your own story of how you quit too soon or got better at something with practice.

• Put yourself in their little shoes. Imagine yourself in your child’s position, and ask yourself: is quitting a decision you think they will regret? If not, then allowing your child to try something different is probably a good call, but if you believe your kids will, like Amy, someday wish you had challenged them just a little more, then you know what to do.

What to do you do when your child wants to quit lessons? Share your tips and advice with other parents; e-mail This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it .