“Help! My Kid Is Hitting…”

Playing Nice 101

By Lyla Tyler, MFT

Q: Help! My child is starting to pick up bad habits, such as biting and hitting, from classmates. How do I stop this?

A: Aggressiveness is a normal reaction in young children. It is common for two-year-olds to try to settle a dispute by hitting or biting their peers. In fact, it is rare to find a preschooler who has not been bitten or hit with a toy at school! Between ages three and seven, most children start to develop greater control over aggressive impulses and should be held more accountable for their behaviors. Supervision is the key to controlling and stopping aggressive behavior.

PRACTICE PLAYING NICE
Young children need adults to help them learn self-control and social skills. Remember to “catch” kids being good and praise your child when he is being a good friend. When conflicts arise, teach your child to use his words and problem-solve. You can practice this at home using role play with your child and during play dates. Tell your child’s teacher that this is something you are working on at home, and ask for her help at school.

REINFORCE LIMITS
An older child may need to learn alternative ways to reduce her anger. Help her by making a list of things she can do when she is angry instead of being aggressive. Praise and reward her when she does these things. At the same time, you must be firm and make it crystal clear to your child that aggressive acts are not acceptable—use “time outs” to reinforce your rules.

Lyla Tyler, M.S., MFT is a registered play therapist based in Sacramento. Tyler specializes in therapy for children and their families. You can find her and other local members of the California Association of Marriage and Family Therapists at www.TherapistFinder.com.