Ask the Expert: Teaching Tots to Share

By Karen F. Hefler, M.S., MFT

• Teach the concept of ownership. Look for opportunities to show him that some things belong to him and some to his sister. You can assign him “big brother” tasks, like selecting toys for his sister to play with. Or, you can have him assist you with changing or dressing her.

• Praise him when he shares. When you say, “That was very nice to share your ball with your sister,” your son is apt to repeat his sharing in the future. Model sharing behavior with your spouse or partner too, and talk about taking turns, so your toddler sees it in action.

• Acknowledge his feelings. Rather than trying to force your child to relinquish his sister’s toy, let him know that you understand him. You are also teaching him to share in a way that doesn’t make him feel bad.

• Use redirection. Find ways to distract him or change his focus. Sometimes it is just better to find a second toy. This will be far more effective than insisting he share.