Working Moms’ Blues?

Q: I just went back to work after having my first baby, and I’m struggling with the stress of being a working mom. I often feel like a bad mother because I spend so much time away from my daughter, yet when I do get to spend time with her, I’m distracted by work concerns… Any advice?

A: You’re not alone—working mother’s guilt is universal. People experience “authentic” guilt when they cause harm to someone, but many working moms experience “free floating” guilt, a pervasive guilt not attached to a specific event. It’s a signal that it’s time to look at your situation differently.

If you’re afraid that your child’s development will be harmed, you should know that years of research show no significant differences in development between children of working mothers and at-home mothers. These tips can also help you cope:

• Write down why you work. Sometimes you just need a reminder of why you made this life choice—there are good reasons!

• Refrain from imagining your child upset because you’re not there. This is not the reality.

• Schedule “mommy and me” time. Periodically, take a day off work to reconnect and just enjoy spending time with your baby.

• Ask your daycare provider to take pictures of your baby’s activities. This may help you feel less out of the loop.

• Declare: “enough!” At the end of the work day, tell yourself you’re done with that job and you’re going to your next one—being a mom.

If you continue to feel overwhelmed, I encourage you to consult a Marriage and Family Therapist who can provide additional tools and support.

Helen Worster, MFT is a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist practicing in Sacramento. She is a member of the California Association of Marriage and Family Therapists.