Gratitude Adjustment

Get Glad and Give Thanks!

"Gratitude is not only the greatest of virtues, but the parent of all the others."
  — Cicero (106-43 BC)

By Lisa Thibodeau

Late in November many families sit down to share a meal and give thanks for the good things in their lives. We focus on that big, cooked bird, extra servings of pie, and spending time with family—with maybe a nod to pilgrims. But what are we really celebrating? What is gratitude, why is it important, and how can we teach it to our kids?

   “Gratitude is saying ‘thank you’ to the world for bringing you wonderful things… a puppy, trees, a river, the wonder of having a family and a place to belong,” says Susan Whitaker, mom, yoga teacher, and owner of Canyon Spirit Yoga Center in Auburn.

   By practicing acts of gratitude, we learn to see the world as good and ourselves as lucky or blessed, and we remember to appreciate and validate others. “Psychologists know that people who practice being grateful are happier and experience less stress,” says Lyla Tyler, MS, MFT, a child and family therapist with a practice in Sacramento.

   Indeed, a study conducted by UC Davis Psychology Professor, Dr. Robert A. Emmons, revealed that cultivating gratitude can increase happiness levels by around 25 percent. Emmons' latest book is THANKS!: How The New Science of Gratitude Can Make You Happier. His study also found that an attitude of gratitude can boost levels self-esteem, hope, optimism, and empathy.

   “Lack of gratitude is what’s wrong with the world,” says Rinban Bob Oshita, senior minister at The Buddhist Church of Sacramento. “There is such a sense of entitlement today… We need to nurture gratitude in kids by making sure our kids feel appreciated, and then they will appreciate others.”

   “Parents can model being grateful by thanking their children for kind deeds and recognizing the good in them and others,” suggests Tyler.

Everyday Thanksgiving
    Can you incorporate a year-round family practice that teaches gratitude? Oshita suggests having children write a letter to an adult in their lives. “Kids need to realize there is a world around them and learn to appreciate others—this is essential.” 

   AmberLee, a mom of three in Loomis, agrees. She started this tradition with her family: “Once a week we have family night, and together we write a thank-you note to someone we appreciate. It’s been eye-opening—not just for the kids—to think about all the people who share their time and energy to make our lives better.”

   Tyler often encourages families to use bedtime as a way to end each day on a grateful note. She suggests thinking out-loud with your children to come up with three things that happened that day to be grateful for.

 Make a Gratitude Wheel  

   This is a simple, easy way to get the whole family feeling thankful. Start by cutting paper into long petal shapes. Next, write (or stamp) the things that your family is grateful for onto the petals. Ask very young kids, “What are you happy about?” It’s okay if they say, “cupcakes!” But you might also suggest family, friends, teachers, and experiences such as travel. Attach the pieces to a paper circle and hang with a loop of ribbon somewhere prominent.

   Gratitude is a gift we give others that circles back and makes the giver feel good. By expressing thanks and making others feel better about themselves, we contribute to making the world a happier place. And unlike a plate piled high with turkey and mashed potatoes, gratitude is free, non-fattening, and leaves us feeling the right kind of full. 

Lisa Thibodeau is grateful for her husband and two children, among lots of other things. Check out her blog, Paper Cup Poet.