Dating again after divorce can be scary. (Exciting, sure, but a little scary.) Friends may tell you, “It’s like riding a bike.” It’s not. But getting prepared, mentally and emotionally, can boost your confidence and help you start a whole new chapter in your love life.
8 Great Tips for Finding Love Again
By Patricia DeVost and Diane Lykes
If you are coming out of heartbreak or a negative relationship, getting out there again and meeting people can be tough, but stick to the basics, and you’ll be surprised how successful you can be at love. Maybe you’re wondering: What were the basics again? Keep these “Dating 101” rules in mind, and you’ll do fine:
- Don’t get too serious too soon. Date for the sake of dating. As tempting as it is to jump in head-first with someone you feel is your “soul mate,” give yourself the opportunity to meet new people and just have fun before getting into another serious relationship.
- Leave the details of your past relationships at home. No one, not even your closest friends want to hear your continued revenge-filled conversations about your ex. If the subject of your ex-partners comes up, be honest but keep it brief. Remember, you are out to have a good time!
- Be yourself. Being your authentic self is one of the most important things you can do on your date. If a date doesn’t find the real you appealing, he is not the right person for you.
- Get to know your date. There is nothing more flattering than someone who listens intently and shows genuine interest in what you are saying. This also gives you a great opportunity to determine if you would like to see this person for a second date.
- Remember: It’s a date—not a therapy session. Even if you are at a place of tremendous soul-searching, the first few dates are not a time to delve into your deepest issues with your date.
- Be what you want to attract. Think about all the positive traits you are looking for in a new partner and then ask yourself: Do I have the qualities that I am looking for in someone else? People with similar levels of emotional and mental health attract each other. If you are not at your best place, consider working on this first.
- Learn to recognize red flags. If something doesn’t seem right, it probably isn’t. Trust your intuition and don’t overlook negative qualities because you are lonely or worried you will never find someone better.
- Kiss a lot of frogs… Every date will not be “the one” (which doesn’t really exist anyway), but each new person you meet may broaden your social circle and lead you to someone unexpected.
Diane Lykes and Patricia DeVost are both psychotherapists and relationship experts. They launched the online dating site, OppositesConnect.com.
