How to Stop Bullies

Back to cruel?! Ways to protect kids from bullying, at school and online

Bullying has become even more pervasive, and dangerous, for this tech-savvy generation. The suicides of bullied children, like eleven-year-old Jaheem Herrera and thirteen-year-old Megan Meier, have alarmed parents, friends, and educators across the country.

     Authors Susan Eikov Green (Don’t Pick on Me) and Susan Sprague (Coping with Cliques) share some of their answers to parents’ and kids’ most common questions, plus seven tips to protect kids from cyberbullying.

What is bullying?
Bullying can take many forms, including teasing and gossiping. Bullying can be physical, as well, which is less often tolerated. All forms are unacceptable, but it is sometimes hard for bullies to be punished for their actions when they only inflict emotional harm.

What’s cyberbullying?
Cyberbullying refers to bullying online (using Web sites like Facebook and Myspace, for example) or via other forms of technology (such as cell phones, text messages or instant messaging). The aim is the same—to degrade or threaten another kid or teen—and it is equally damaging. In fact, the anonymity bullies enjoy in cyberspace, combined with the very public nature of the Internet, can make attacks even more vicious.

7 Tips to Protect Kids from Cyberbullying:

1. Set family guidelines for Internet and phone use. Have a family meeting so you can lay the rules out quickly and clearly, and answer any questions the kids might have.

2. Remind children that it is not ok to give out their personal information, except to the most trusted family members and friends.

3. Let them know that opening or reading messages from people they do not know can be dangerous. Teach kids to ignore them or show them to mom or dad.

4. Likewise, teach kids that e-mails and text messages from mysterious senders, especially those that promise the sky, are likely from someone who could put a virus on their PC or phone and make it break and never work again. Tell kids to ignore these or—when in doubt—alert mom or dad.

5. Let them know it is ok to ignore, block, or delete anyone who makes them feel weird or uncomfortable.

6. Some experts recommend regularly changing your child’s email username, cell phone number, account information, and/or passwords (at least until they are of college age).

7. Let children know that it is always ok to talk to you about contact from someone they may have thought they trusted and realize they now don’t. If not you, who would they be comfortable talking with in the family? And at school?

Who does bullying affect, and how should victims react?
Anyone can be affected by bullying because it is so widespread. Targets tend to be individuals who are alone because they are easier to pick on. Their reaction to the situation largely decides the outcome.

      Someone being bullied can react in a number of ways, three of which are: passively, aggressively, and assertively. Those who respond passively are easy targets because they do not seem to stand up for themselves. Those who respond aggressively risk angering the bully and encouraging him or her to continue or increase their bothersome behavior. An assertive response is generally best—make it clear that mean words or actions will not be tolerated.

How does bullying impact kids’ self-esteem?
Each person may feel differently about what they experience, but lowered self-esteem is common. One alarming development is the increasing rate of suicide among children who are bullied. As social networking gains popularity among youth, suicide due to cyber bullying increases as well.

Books on Bullying
Titles for parents, educators and kids, to help deal with bullying at every age and stage…

Susan Eikov Green is the author of Don’t Pick on Me: Help for Kids to Stand Up to and Deal with Bullies. She has written and produced over 150 award-winning educational programs for youth.

Susan Sprague is a freelance writer and mother of two teenagers. She is the author of Coping with Cliques: A Workbook to Help Girls Deal with Gossip, Put-Downs, Bullying, and Other Mean Behavior.