When Your Child's The New Kid

How to make the transition easier, soothe those first-day jitters
(and fake it 'till they make it!)

By Cassi Denari

Your child walks into the crowded cafeteria and scans the room looking for an open table. Suddenly all eyes are on her. The room goes quiet. Her peers have stopped mid-sentence, mid-bite, to stare at “the new kid.” Face flushed, cheeks turning red, it appears she may have forgotten how to breathe.  No, this is not a nightmare. It’s your child’s first day of school–or maybe just her worst fear of how it might go.

According to the U.S. Census Bureau, over two million families with children between the ages of 6 and 17 move around the United States every year. With those statistics, chances are your child is not the only new kid at school.

True, being the new kid can be scary and anxiety inducing, but with a few simple steps parents can make the transition a whole lot easier.

Get the lay of the land
Before your child’s first day, visit the new school (preferably when class is out or when the school is relatively empty), or get a tour. Find out where your kiddo’s class or classes are, and locate the cafeteria, the restrooms, the library, the gym, their locker, etc. Becoming familiar with the layout and knowing what to expect can ease overall anxiety and soothe those first-day jitters.

Bring a camera and take pictures (visual aids are always helpful), and get a map of the school. The more familiar your child is with the school, the better.
Take some time walking around the grounds and playing on the playground.

Walk them through their schedule and help them envision a typical day at their new school. The more familiar it all feels, the less anxious your child will be on that first day.

Meet the supporting players
Meet the teachers, the principal, the office staff, and as many members of the faculty as possible who will be interacting with your child. See if your child’s teacher, or if someone else on staff, can suggest a student to be your child’s “buddy” for the first day or two of school. (Some teachers assign a willing, friendly buddy for the first week of school as a matter of course; others might be happy to hear the suggestion.) This buddy can show your child the ropes and introduce him to other students. “This helps your child become acclimated to the building, the culture and, to an extent, the social climate of the school,” says Dr. John Duffy, clinical psychologist and author of The Available Parent: Radical Optimism for Raising Teens and Tweens.

Contact the PTO/PTA President and ask if they have any information about the school or students that could make your child’s transition easier. Also ask if they can direct you to your child’s classroom roster. Contact the other parents to arrange a playdate at a nearby park. This is a great way to introduce your child to their future classmates. Having a friend on the first day of school (even just recognizing a friendly face or two) can boost your child’s confidence.

Get involved
What interests does your child have? Find out if the school offers programs your child might find exciting (theater, music, sports, etc.)

As a parent, join the PTO/PTA, volunteer in the classroom and get involved any way you can. “Meeting other parents, kids and staff is the best way to help your child and your family transition and thrive,” says Amy Hilbrich Davis, Founder and CEO of Inspiring Moms and Balance MAP, and a mom of seven.

Coach your newbie on making friends
Like any skill, making friends can take practice to master. And for some kids it comes easier than for others. The key to making friends is to find a common interest, so help your child be open to finding that common ground.

Talk to your child about a time when you were making new friends. Think back to what worked for you. Share any experiences that you think will be helpful. Each child is going to have a different approach. Some are going to be fine walking right up to a peer or a group of kids and introducing themselves. For others this may be completely out of character. They may prefer to sit on the sidelines and observe for awhile, before putting themselves out there. Offer advice and be encouraging, but have respect for your child’s process.

Talk it out
Be patient. As with any transition there is a period of adjustment. Listen to your child. Validate their concerns. Offer up your own experiences, and empathize. In some way or another, we’ve all been there.

Jenny Rogers, a kindergarten teacher and mother of two, says, “After you and your child have taken that school tour, talk about things that surprised them or ways that this school is like their old school. This often starts a good dialogue about worries, concerns, and helps the child picture him or herself in this new school. As all great parents do, spin the worries into positives!”

Sell it
“Your attitude as a parent is powerful! Be positive! Acknowledge that ‘new’ can mean ‘scary’ and create anxiety, yet it also means ‘exciting’ – more friends, and an improved life,” says Amy Hilbrich Davis. “If you, Mom or Dad, believe this, then so will your kids. Live the life you want your kids to live, and jump in!”

Finally, remind your child that they’re the cool, mysterious new kid and to have fun on this exciting new adventure. Trust your child to be successful.