Ask the Expert: Bed-Wetting Blues?

Ever since my husband lost his job, my 8-year-old son wakes up with wet sheets almost every morning. What can I do to get this to stop?

By Lisa Mitchell, MFT, ATR

You are right to be concerned about your son’s new behavior. Any significant change can signal that something is troubling him, and it needs to be addressed. First, to rule out any physical problems, I would encourage you to talk to your son’s pediatrician. Since this hasn’t been an ongoing problem, it is unlikely to be an indication of a sleep disorder, but this is still important to discuss with your doctor.

 I can imagine that your entire family is feeling stress and anxiety due to your husband’s unemployment status. I’m also sure that you are trying your best to keep the stress away from your son. Still, 8-year-olds are so perceptive, and they often lack the words to voice their concerns.

Punishment will not help your son stop his bed-wetting. It will only increase the amount of embarrassment or shame that he is experiencing. You can show him empathy and compassion by voicing some of the feelings that you think he may be having. You can tell him that you understand that things don’t feel as relaxed in the house now that his dad has employment worries. Really work to let him know that you and his dad still care about him very much, remembering that actions speak louder than words.

Your son may be feeling powerless. To help him feel more responsible, teach him to change his sheets and at least get the wet ones into the washer.

If the bedwetting persists, and the stress and anxiety seem to be getting the best of your family, your son may need a way to express his worries to a third party, like a therapist. I would recommend a non-verbal kind of therapy like art or play. If you and your husband participate in the therapy, it could be a really helpful time of solidifying family togetherness. If your son learns that even in very difficult times his parents are there for him, this period of stress will have been a teaching experience that he can remember during other stressful times in his life.

Lisa Mitchell, MFT, ATR is a Sacramento Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and Registered Art Therapist. You can learn more about child development and behavior management at CounselingCalifornia.com.