Ways to Raise Self-Reliant Kids

Letting Go (Lessons from Camp)

By Marla Coleman
Edited by Amy Crelly

Camp is one place where children can learn how to navigate on their own, without well-intentioned parents plotting every part of their course to avert choppy waters. As a parent, I confess I’ve felt compelled to negotiate smooth sailing for my own children. Yet, over the years, as a camp director, I have witnessed, first-hand, the incredible journeys of children allowed to discover their own power. At camp, kids are given opportunities to make their own decisions, and problem-solving is part of the experience. It’s what allows children to discover their own strengths and their abilities to make good choices.

“Aha!” moments for everyone
I remember the summer that Ariel, a second-year camper, casually asked me during camp, “Does my Mom still call every day?” She and Mom had fallen into a predictable pattern: Ariel would tell her mom about “what was wrong” (we know that kids tend to “save” things for their parents!), and Mom would dutifully call the camp to “fix” the problem. They were each doing their “jobs.”

Carefully and slowly, with the appropriate guidance, Mom came to understand that she was perpetuating a cycle that was preventing her daughter from being independent and fully enjoying her camp experience. As trust increased, Mom started redirecting her daughter’s pleas, encouraging her to speak with someone at camp who could more quickly and efficiently help her resolve the situation—while still validating Ariel’s feelings.

I was gratified to answer Ariel’s query: “Actually, no,” to which Ariel quickly responded: “That’s because I stopped complaining to her!” Lessons learned for both parent and child! “Aha!” moments like this happen every day at camp. Here are five more great ways for parents to expand their own comfort zones while helping their campers gain confidence, too:

1. Know the camp.
   Many camps have a designated contact person. During the decision-making process of “which camp,” ask questions that give you an idea of the partnering and communication philosophy of the camp, and learn who the primary contact person is—build rapport early.
2. Trust the staff.
   Remember that camp directors have years of experience backing up their counsel to you. Know, too, that they have your child’s best interests at heart and the skills to guide your child towards an appropriate level of independence, self-confidence and success.
3. Let kids lead.
   Keep in mind that kids often adapt to a new environment before their parents can accept the next stage of their development!
4. Don't offer to "rescue" your child.
   That only confirms for him that you believe he cannot cope with something that is difficult.
5. Picture success!
   Support kids by encouraging them to solve their own problems or to ask a trusted counselor for help.

Admittedly, it is a leap of faith to let your baby bird fly from the nest. It is also the greatest gift you can bestow. The key is to build the nest in a tree that gives you a sense of security, so do your homework to find the right fit. There is a camp for every child and a feeling of comfort for every parent.

© 2006 American Camping Association, Inc.
Adapted from CAMP Magazine, reprinted by permission of the American Camp Association