5th Grader Forged Signature

Ask the Expert

Expert: Sonia Rahel-Ahmadzai, MFT

Question: My fifth-grader received a bad grade and forged my signature on the test. She said she only did it because she forgot, but I think she was trying to pull a fast one. I don’t want her to think I don’t trust her, but I can’t tolerate lying. What should I do?

Answer: First and foremost, don’t panic. Although, it is true that it is absolutely not acceptable to forge any signatures because it is simply wrong, and in some cases illegal, this is not an exception. However, a fifth grader is still going through a learning curve and figuring out how to go about meeting her needs, pushing limits, and going as far as forging a signature may be meeting an unmet need. It is crucial that you not react, but to find the root cause of her behavior. Unmet need could be lack of understanding of the topic, a learning disability, fear of retaliation/consequences, causing turmoil or conflict, or even being held accountable for her actions.

This does not mean that you don’t go through the explanation of what is right and wrong. However, that is not where you want to stop. For the purpose of getting to the root of this issue, you need to remain calm and discuss her reasoning for forging the signature. Give her the benefit of the doubt, and don’t make any accusations or threats. She needs to feel safe enough to open up and report on her perspective no matter how off the wall it may be. It is possible that she felt shame, or was afraid of being ridiculed, lectured, or didn’t want to face any consequences. Sometimes your fifth grader may not have reached this level of maturity to completely comprehend the seriousness of such a matter. It may have been impulsive and not fully thought out. It is rarely done out of spite or vengeance. In other words, she is not simply doing this to make your life difficult!

It is also possible that there was peer pressure, or it’s simply another way of not having to “deal with it.” Whatever her reasoning, it is vital that you listen and do some form of reflective listening (i.e., “So what I hear you say is that you signed it because I was working late…is that correct?”) This kind of reflection helps the person on the other side see that you are seeing it exactly as they intended to deliver, and hopefully they see how “ridiculous” and “wrong” it is sounding. Don’t drag this out. You want to let them know that you understand this was a mistake and that it will not be repeated.

Should you suspect that there is more going on with your fifth grader, such as continued failing or poor grades, or other maladaptive behaviors like lying, stealing or cheating then you may want to seek a professional to assess for behavioral disorders and/or depression.

Sonia Rahel-Ahmadzai, MFT is a Sacramento Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist.  You can learn more about her at CounselingCalifornia.com.