Aunt Slant

By Maggie Newcomb

A Note to Sexy Moms –

I don’t know how you do it—you have the hardest job in the world!  After I spend time with my nieces and nephews I immediately have to take a nap.  I can barely manage taking care of myself and my three cats let alone another human being.

Which is why I am so surprised by a new trend that is happening—the emergence of hot- moms!  Don’t get me wrong, I am all about women feeling good about how they look. However, for us non-parents, you are kind of stealing our thunder, making us single girls look bad!

So, to all you hot- moms out there I ask you to consider returning to that classic mom style of the past and embrace the mom we all grew up with.

Might I suggest?

• Lay down the flat iron.  How about cutting your hair short and livening it up with an Olgilvie home perm? Nothing says sexy like short, permed hair.
• Let’s stay away from tight low-rise jeans and go with a pair that fits high above the waist, preferably with a 9-inch zipper.  Alternately, loose-fitting jeans that taper at the bottom really emphasize that classic mom-style!  Pair them with your t-shirt that reads, “Because I am the MOM, that’s why.”
• Don’t get me started on those miracle push-up bras some of you are wearing.  Let’s revisit the effectiveness of the Cross Your Heart 18-hour bra. Who needs cleavage when you can have low, pointy boobs?
• Finally, your SUV or sporty hatchback has to go. A wood-paneled station wagon with a bumper sticker that boasts something about your honor student, lets the world know that you are not going anywhere exciting.

Moms, please give us non-parents that advantage in the sexy-style department that we so desperately need!  If you go more “Golden Girl” instead of “Gossip Girl” all will be right with the balance of nature.

Yours,

Maggie